It’s 4am and i can’t sleeep. I didn’t take any naps today, drink any coffee, have any sugar, do anything that would result in my insomnia. I haven’t even been doing anything the last few hours except thinking, debating. pros and cons, goods and bads, plusses and minuses, EVERYTHING IS THE SAME AND I HATE IT. WHY is it that for the longest time there’s nothing there and now all of a sudden prince charming decides to ride up on his damn horse, and just behind him, prince charming II comes back into this fairy tale life of mine. I have a choice, a decision, a lot to think about. Nothing to lose but everything to lose at the same time. I’ve really never felt like this and I have no idea how I’m going to handle the situation I’ve been put in.
If you’ve ever noticed, girls always fall for the bad boy. (*i.e. cant leave em alone.mp3) hah. Well if you’ve ever wondered why that is, the answer is simple. See, its been put out there as if girls are some complex creatures that no one can understand but i feel like decoding our bullshit is pretty easy.. or maybe I just think that cause I am a girl? any way.. some insight for the curious. We fall for bad boys because we already know how it’s gonna end. He’ll eventually say, or do something stupid and at that point it will be more than easy to point our fingers and put the blame on him. And when people ask us, “What happened with you two!?” As heartbreaking as it is to tell the story, we’ll take so much pride in being “the bigger person” and being told that we deserve better. We fall for the bad boys because 99.9% of the time, they’re more likely to screw things up before we do.
So what happens when the bad boy turns into the nice guy? When his shell has finally cracked and you can finally see who he really is, without the tough guy front? 99.9% of the time its just too late, for me it was. Because maybe you’ve already found another guy, one who started off nice, cause obviously the bad boy thing wasn’t working out for you (based on that last jerk who broke your heart right? haha) You’re left with 2 nice guys, process of elimination time? Never. That’s already been considered and one has just as many flaws as the other. Not only are you PISSED that it took mr. badboy so long to finally come around but terrified, because being left with 2 nice guys means that you have a 99.9% chance (x2) of messing things up before they do. Then what? Then you’ll never forgive yourself for the stupid thing you did or said that caused things to go wrong. And when people ask “What happened with you two!?” You’ll have to swallow that pride and shamefully explain how YOU screwed it up. See, if you haven’t noticed, girls love to be right, we like to be in control, and most of all we hate being hurt.. especially when it was our fault.
I just watched the “He could be the one” episode of Hannah Montana because a certain someone suggested I watch it, and boy I never thought I’d see the day that I’d connect with that show. youtube it. Here I am, jaw to the floor when its over because this is my current state, verbatim. So I’m still here, nearly 5am and not even close to understanding where I’m at, and a long shot from realizing what I want and where I want to be. So I’m at a stalemate. I’ve been blessed with 2 great people, and 1 great feeeling. But i know it can’t, shouldn’t and won’t be like this forever, and eventually 2 will become 1 and maybe even 0. And maybe that 1 great feeling will turn into 1 horrible feeling. I guess until then I just have to take Hannah’s advice..follow my heart, and take a chance. Goodnight.
